ok, so no one uses this anymore, so i am free to journal freely. I am feeling icky. First, I have a bad body image..and now the guy i've become really good friends with has become annoyed with me. I know this because it's my pattern. I am naturally annoying, but I always take it to another level...I message the person too much, am too chatty...and that is why I am annoying. I talk about really random shit, and it's annoying. I am really tired too. I was lying on my hard floor in my dorm for the simple reason that i felt like it. It wasnt really comfortable, but I wanted to lay down there instead of my bed...i have no idea why. I was in a really good mood earlier today and for a few days preceding, but now, i feel drained. This is going to sound so so stupid, but I want to be in love. I dont really need someone to be in love with me, though it would be nice, but i just want to be in love with someone. The problem with this is that whenever I care about someone a lot, I bug them, and then they stop talking to me. So I would have to be in love, in secret. The problem with this is that I can never keep my feelings to myself. I am too open about my life and what i think and feel, and this is bad. I need to be more mysterious, if that is possible. So right now, to sum up, I am not feeling too cheerful, just blah, and I am tired, and I want to be loved (romantically)...anyway...this is just me pitying myself, so just disregard this...i dont know why i say that, because no one is going to read it, but whatever.

Alli

I havent posted in a little over a month so I thought I might as well, since I have the time. Im not exactly down, but Im not jumping off the walls either. I am pretty sad that Im probably not gonna get into the school I want, and have to transfer after one semester, if theyll even take me then...college has just been one big headache lately...that's all.

You Go To My Head

You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning 'round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne
You go to my head like a sip of sparkling Burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like the kicker in a julep or two

The thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea
Cast a spell over me
Still I say to myself get a hold of yourself
Can't you see that it never can be

You go to my head with a smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance
You go to my head
You go to my head

I gots a crush! And I am sooo giddy! Crushes are sooo much fun! They give you something to...umm...obsess over! I cannot wipe this huge grin off of my face, and tonite the LP guy was making fun of me cuz I was blushing...lol...he's sooo cute....hmmm, I am gonna go dream about him! I havent been this excited to go dream about someone in a long time...I love feeling this way!

It was the last show, and it was exciting...and it was sad too. And all of a sudden this song popped in my head..."and now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain..." I am excited for tomorrow, and yet also anxious...I just want to have a good time, thats all.

My Way

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

[instrumental]

Yes, it was my way

Something Stupid~Frank and Nancy Sinatra

I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there’s a chance
You won’t be leaving with me


And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: "i love you"


I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies
You heard the night before
And though it’s just a line to you, for me it’s true
It never seemed so right before


I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I’ll wait until the evening gets late
And I’m alone with you


The time is right your perfume fills my head, the stars get red
And oh the night’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: "i love you"

("i love you, I love you,...")

I found one of my custom made CDs the other day when i was cleaning my room and yesterday i listened to it, and all of a sudden i had a rush of all of these feelings from the past...deja vous. I can't tell if it's a good feeling or a bad one...I hate feeling confused but im gonna leave my feelings nameless for awhile...I hope this trip to texas will be okay, and full of good memories, unlike the trip to D.C.

on a completely different note, love is a bad thing.

<3 Always,
Alli

ok, so i kind of criticized the lyrics to Mr. Blue Sky, and now it randomly pops up on my computer cuz i have my music on random...and, well, i kind of like the song now. it gets stuck in your head! lol, it makes me wanna get up and dance...but anywho, i am getting excited about the trip to texas...sort of...you can only get SO excited about going to Texas. I am definitely bringing my CD player and aspirin. I am going to have so much homework, but oh well. Because I love music so much i am gonna copy and paste a different song in here each time i update...you gotta love mama cass!

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

------ piano ------

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

opening nite!!! I am so excited! I hope i dont screw up on the one song i play...im not even exaggerating...i also play eigth notes in delovely, 11 of them! but anywho, I am so confused about something...I think i will call my aunt and ask her about it, cuz she can be objective. If i asked any of you, you would over react or something, so i just won't. I have butterflies in my stomach...SO EXCITED!

with my latest dream, i felt so good inside. I cant exactly say why, but it was...completely comfortable, and soothing...just an all around happy feeling. It wasnt giddiness, definitely, but more of a calm kind of happy. I wish i felt that way all of the time. I need to figure out what is missing in my life that can make me feel that way...if i were to take my dream literally, i would need gerard way...i wouldnt complain...lol, but i need a realistic goal to search after. Is it a "companion" (boyfriend)?...i really dont have time right now for one of those...but do i need someone to love me? Sometimes i just feel like i just need someone to love me, and be there for me. I dont know where to look for a person like that. I find it hard to fathom a couple, where he LOVES her and she LOVES him back...I have never had that mutual bond with anyone, and i cant even imagine feeling that.

I have decided that McDonald is one of my fav teachers cuz he has awesome music taste! ahh, michael buble!

jess, we seriously need to start planning this roadtrip out...the concert is on a monday, so i think we should leave sunday afternoon, stay the night at a hotel, go to the concert the next day and then right after the concert drive back, we can take turns driving so the other gets a chance to sleep. let me know what you think...ulgh, i just talked to mi padre and he said i can't drive up north in the winter...he tells me to buy a plane ticket...does he think he's being practical??...I am poor, I cannot afford a god damn plane ticket!